Friends who needs them?

Friends who needs them? Unfortunately, we all do.

But what happens when your perfect friend turn out to not behave in a manner which allows us to love

them the way we want to?

We choose friends from critera ranging from those that will tolerate us to those we almost idolize.

Usually, it’s the ones in between that we develop the real intimacy with and often this is a painful

process in itself. If we grew up in a family where showing imperfection meant punishment or

abandonment when we finally find someone we’re willing to risk being vulnerable with it’s a big deal.

And what becomes an even bigger deal is when they inevitably let us down, by not calling back, not

showing up, not understanding. It can feel like a betrayal that we emotionally can’t handle and a

situation where the relationship destruct button is urgently flashing, “come push me”.

This friendship let down is not optional, but how big of a reaction we have to it is. First, just take a

moment to consider your best friend. You love them in spite of their faults, right? And they’ve loved

you through some of your worst errors in judgement and behavior towards others. Yet, somehow,

we never think that their character defects will ever harm US. We believe that we have become so

simpatico that nothing could ever harm our superhuman, force field protected, home bro connection.

We’re wrong. But we can take action now that will make the disappointment less painful.

Start now by acknowledging they’re going to happen and then start having discussions when they step

on your toes inadvertently. Talk about the little violations that bother you, but that you’ve previously

been willing to overlook, not wanting to criticize or cause drama. You may think they are not a big deal

but they can be wonderful learning tools to find a way to communicate when the big blow up does

come. These smaller situations will be less emotionally charged and it is at this time you can express the

“hey, why did you do that?” in a non confrontational or amusing manner. This is also a good time to be

honest about what you want. Putting it all together can look something like this: “I know this sounds

a little crazy but when you walked in front of me into the club, I felt like I should be holding your royal

train. Next time it’s my turn or better yet let’s walk in side by side and that way devastate everyone in

our path.” Sounds too simple? It’s not. You’ve just done at least 3 very important things. You’ve stood

up for yourself, you’ve allowed your friend to feel compassion for you and correct her/his behavior, and

you’ve established that open and honest communication is OK. Perfect.

Our friends are our chosen family. They are an extremely important element to any happy and healthy

life. So, taking a moment periodically to reassess those friendships is imperative. Some you’ll need to

let go of and some will unexpectedly flourish. Regardless, you will have stepped up to the plate and

given yourself the opportunity to be loved at your worst and had the best in you reflected back.

Friends. We need them.

Now, go find your truth.